


I Know I Should Let Go (But It Hurts Too Much)

by iron_america



Series: Transvengers Prompts [11]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky is FTM, Internalized Transphobia, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Sam is a little bit of an ass at the beginning, Tiny awkward comment, Trans Male Character, but turns into a Good Bro, mentions of various relationships Bucky had in the war
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-24
Updated: 2015-10-24
Packaged: 2018-04-27 19:45:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5061616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iron_america/pseuds/iron_america
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on transvengers prompt #6: About to hook up with someone who doesn’t know</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Know I Should Let Go (But It Hurts Too Much)

**Author's Note:**

> I know that this isn't as good as the other stories for the prompts, but it's been almost two months since I posted a new story for the series and almost a month since I updated Everyone's Perfect, but I've just been SWAMPED with school work and the stress of choosing where I want to go for college...it's just really stressful. Junior year is killing me.
> 
> I feel like I'm rambling on and on with my problems. I'm just gonna let you guys start reading.
> 
> So, without further ado...

Bucky is freaking out—which is understandable. He’s about to have sex with his boyfriend of two months and he still hasn’t told Sam that he has a vagina.

So he has to make it awkward by blurting out, “I don’t have a dick,” when Sam is kissing him. Sam jerks back and Bucky’s eyes widen. He explains, “I’m trans.” Sam shoots up from the bed and is almost out of the door when Bucky asks, “What?”

“I just need some...time. Sorry,” Sam says. He leaves the room.

Even though he feels like calling Sam an asshole and giving him the finger, he restrains himself and waves instead.

‘I just need some time.’ It’s a line Bucky’s heard multiple times from boys and girls alike. He’s heard the line from Pvt. Lorraine, he’s heard the line from Howard, he’s heard the line from Connie, he’s heard the line from Peggy, and now, he’s heard the line from Sam. The one person that matters the most.

Bucky flops face-first into a pillow. He screams into it and punches the mattress with his metal arm because he wants to damage something and he’s not strong enough with his human hand.

* * *

A week later, there’s a knock at Bucky’s door—Sam’s special knock: ‘Bucky’ in Morse code. Bucky gets up from his bed and, not bothering to fix his unruly hair, goes to his apartment door and answers.

Bucky thinks it’s a good thing Sam doesn’t look like he’s slept since he walked out on him. Bucky mutters, “Hi.”

Sam launches straight into an apology. “Look, Bucky, I’m sorry I walked out. It was a really stupid reason. I really did just need some time. I love you. I’ll love you forever. I can’t imagine my life without you. You’re the only person who really matters to me. I haven’t eaten or slept since I left. Can you ever forgive me?”

“Answer me this: why did you walk out?” Bucky stands up straighter and crosses his arms.

“I grew up in Harlem. I hung out with a bad crowd of people. These people were transphobic and homophobic and every other –phobic you can think of,” Sam says. “I had to take some time to deprogram my mind from thinking about things that way.” He pauses. “I know that’s not an excuse. I’m sorry. I really am. Can you forgive me?”

Bucky believes that Sam is genuinely sorry and uncrosses his arms. “I forgive you.” He hugs Sam. “Wanna pick up where we left off?”

“Hell yeah,” Sam says. They hurry to the bedroom of the small one-bedroom apartment.


End file.
